Good Therapy is a Win
You don’t have to have major mental illness to seek out short term therapy at anytime in life. A highly skilled therapist trained in acceptance and commitment therapy, CBT, or DBT can help you reach a health goal, improve performance, make a major life decision, manage relationships, or learn to regulate your emotions. A good therapist can help you discover or rediscover your personal values and to live in alignment with them.
Who gains from therapy and who don’t.
The people who do make gains from therapy realize that suffering is a part of human existence and that as long as the suffering has support, that they can endure it. That they play a part in their own suffering. That they don’t need anyone’s validation, only their own. That is it ALL about accountability. That they can have moments of joy and spiritual connection amidst the suffering. That we don’t always have to be improving or leveling up.
The elements of my most successful clients: curious, courageous despite their fears, aligned with their personal values, and a connection to culture or faith or belief in something bigger than them. They also have a flexible mindset in that they are open to new concepts and ways of thinking about themselves and others. They are accountable for their behavior and choices. They accept the process and have a vision of how they will be when they are done. And it doesn’t have to take long. Short term therapy is a fantastic tool to plug in as needed throughout life.
The people who don’t gain from therapy have incredibly fixed mindsets. They are there but only to gripe. They are trapped in blame, anger, and justifications. Sometimes folks don’t make change because they are attached to being a victim, that life is not ‘fair’, and it’s always someone else’s fault. This lack of accountability is a major barrier.
Some don’t come to therapy at all became they hold an irrational fear that they will somehow ‘fall apart’ if they talk to someone about their pain or shame. To the contrary, it is generally a great relief to not hold it alone anymore.
The Rate of Progress
Think about how long you have been thinking in a negative way or haven’t slept well. Over eating when you feel stressed or depressed. Falling in the same hole. Hooking up with the wrong people. Repeating the same unhelpful behaviors. These are the things we do as humans. And they happen over time. A slow build up. Not broken, just ineffective. It took a while to get here and it will take a while to re route. Know that it will take time to make the changes you want. You’re in training and your therapist is an educated, licensed professional coach to support you.
The therapeutic process is a bit like a river, as is life in general. Smooth and flowing, twists and turns, floods and forks, debris blocking the way and clinging to the river bank, low flow and drought, and back to smooth flow again.
Have a vision of how you will feel about yourself when you are done.
It takes some clients more time than they think. The training is a journey that has many milestones and celebrations along the way to your new consistent way of being. There are sessions that end with pride or relief, sometimes sadness or a set back, sometimes irritation on the slow growth. The outcome is life-long change so have a vision of what life will be like when you are done. How will you feel, look, act, and how will you respond to the people in your life.
Some people only need a few months and might return again later on down river when new challenges need support. Some folks stay for a year, unraveling one issue only to unearth a new one that was tied to the first one. This is why I share that curiosity is key. You have to want to know and have the courage to accept what you discover.
Virtual is Awesome (so is in person)
I never thought I would say it but I love it. I love the freedom it gives people. I love that the client can be walking on their treadmill or in their sweats or in their car or nursing a baby. It is SO accessible. Health insurance covers mental health more now than ever. You can have a licensed therapist and a life coach in one, just for you, every week, same time, same place.
